Limbaugh Joins the Christian Left

I received this e-mail today from Sojourners. (It comes from their website). It looks like Rush Limbaugh has had a conversion experience.

In an inspiring display of bipartisan bridge-building, talk
radio personality Rush Limbaugh has accepted Jim Wallis’
invitation to deliver a keynote address at Sojourners’
Mobilization to End Poverty conference in April.

“I’ve always said the monologue of the extreme right is over,
and a new dialogue has begun,” said Wallis. “Well, that dialogue
is about to get a whole lot louder.”

Limbaugh, longtime champion of conservative media, announced his
acceptance of the invitation on his daily radio show.
Interrupted occasionally by call-ins of incredulous listeners,
Limbaugh detailed months of off-the-record conversations with
Wallis during which the two forged a deep friendship despite
political, theological, philosophical, ideological, ecological,
anthropological, eschatological, and soteriological differences.
That dialogue came to a head one night when an anguished and
sleepless Limbaugh called Wallis after 3:00 a.m., seeking
spiritual solace.

“I responded like any good evangelical would,” said Wallis. “I
told him he should read his Bible. And then I hung up and went
back to sleep.”

Vexed but desperate, Limbaugh grabbed his trusty KJV, fanned it
open at random, closed his eyes, and thrust his index finger
upon whatever page it might find, landing upon this passage from
James 5:

“Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that
shall come upon you. Your riches are corrupted, and your
garments are motheaten. Your gold and silver is cankered; and
the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat
your flesh as it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for
the last days. Behold, the hire of the labourers who have reaped
down your fields, which is of you kept back by fraud, crieth:
and the cries of them which have reaped are entered into the
ears of the Lord of sabaoth. Ye have lived in pleasure on the
earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a
day of slaughter.”

“I admit, of all the verses for him to read, this passage sounds
a bit harsh — especially in the King James,” said Wallis. “But
with 2,000 verses on poverty in the Bible, Rush was bound to hit
one of them.”

Limbaugh’s response to the Word was swift and dramatic: “Here
and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have
cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the
amount.”

As part of Limbaugh’s dramatic change of heart, he has
reciprocated Wallis’ speaking invitation by naming him the new
co-host for his daily radio show, giving it a more faith-based
focus.

“The way Kathy Lee needed Regis, that’s the way y’all need
Jesus,” said Limbaugh. “That’s what Jim will bring to the show
on a daily basis — that good ole’ Red Letter Christian gospel!”

Limbaugh further detailed his plans to team up with Sojourners
and others to fight domestic and global poverty, issuing this
challenge to all Dittoheads in a recent broadcast: “I want
everyone within the sound of my voice to call upon their members
of Congress to cut the number of Americans living in poverty in
half in the next 10 years, and to support America’s commitment
to the Millennium Devleopment Goals. … And always remember to
recycle. … Oh, and one last thing: fur is murder.”

Here is what we can expect from his speech:

APRIL FOOLS!

2 thoughts on “Limbaugh Joins the Christian Left

  1. I was fooled by the first couple of paragraphs, but the part about Wallis telling Limbaugh to read his Bible and then hanging up the phone gave it away.

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