Milbank: Let’s Take Greenland by Force!

Greenland

Greenland is weak.  We can take it.

You gotta love Dana Milbank’s sarcasm here:

On Sunday, Trump confirmed that he would be interested in buying the territory from Denmark and that “we’ll talk to them” about it. “Essentially, it’s a large real estate deal,” Trump explained, reasoning that Denmark might be willing to part with the huge land mass because “they carry it at a great loss.”

The great Danes reacted indignantly. “Greenland is not for sale,” Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen proclaimed on a defensive visit to the island Sunday, calling the idea “an absurd discussion” and saying “I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously.”

Fighting words! There is only one proper response to such intransigence: The United States must take Greenland by force.

Greenland has no regular military, so we should be able to occupy every Nuuk and cranny of the place without much struggle. It’s possible, of course, that this attack on Danish territory would prompt a response by NATO under the alliance’s mutual-defense pact, but Trump has already defanged that alliance.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) foresaw such a moment, saying in 2016 during the GOP presidential nominating battle that “we’re liable to wake up one morning and Donald, if he were president, would have nuked Denmark.”

Read the rest here.

Is Donald Trump the Antichrist?

Donald J. Trump, Taking Over The Big Apple

Check out Sarah Jones’s playful piece at New York Magazine in the wake of Trump’s recent “chosen one” comments.

So could Trump be the Antichrist? Look, anything is possible. I will tell you what my father once told me. Satan walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. (For the record, I don’t recommend saying this to a child, especially not after she tells you that she had a dream about a witch who eats people.) The point is that Satan is devious, and his works can be found anywhere. Trump could indeed be his agent, and that would make him an antichrist, if not the Antichrist.

The distinction is relevant. As Hannah Gais pointed out in the Outline last year, the term initially identified “those who refused to confess Christ’s presence on Earth or his divinity.” But the eschatology popular with many conservative Evangelicals holds that there is one Antichrist, who will bring about Armageddon. Biblical literalists of a certain stripe have long speculated that a president would make an ideal Antichrist, though this interpretation is not universal. The Left Behind series, which terrorized Christian youth groups in the late 1990s and early 2000s, gives us an Antichrist from Romania, who exists thanks to genetic experimentation by a Satanic cult.

Read the rest here. I don’t know if Trump is the Antichrist, but one could certainly make the case that he is anti-Christ.

Beto O’Rourke Apologizes for High-School Mixtape

REO Speedwagon? A taste from Andy Borowitz’s piece at The New Yorker:

“In my youth, I put a song on a mixtape that I deeply regret adding,” O’Rourke told a stunned crowd at an Iowa City diner. “REO Speedwagon does not represent who I am.”

The Democratic strategist Tracy Klugian cautioned that O’Rourke’s apology might not have put the mixtape scandal to rest.

“If that’s the only tape out there, then Beto moves on from this,” he said. “But if a mixtape comes out with Air Supply on it, he’s done.”

Read the tragic story here.

🙂

If Only Adam and Eve Had Guns…

adam-and-eve

The Onion tackles this question.  A taste:

HOUSTON—In what they described as scriptural evidence of the right to bear arms, leading figures among the religious right gathered Wednesday to issue a statement arguing that Adam and Eve would never have been banished from the Garden of Eden if they had owned guns.

Read the entire piece here.

Do You Read *The Babylon Bee*?

BeeIf you don’t, you should.  It is hilarious.

Over at The Weekly Standard, Mark Hemingway has a nice piece on the satirical Christian website.  (Am I showing my age if I say that the Babylon Bee reminds me a lot of the old Wittenberg Door?)

The article also talks about a new Babylon Bee book: How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living.

A taste of Hemingway’s piece:

It’s safe to say that thus far, to the extent it has noticed, secular America is confounded by the success of the Babylon Bee. In March, Facebook threatened to reduce the visibility of the Bee’s stories. The reason? One of Facebook’s fact-checking partners, Snopes.com, obliviously labeled a Bee story (“CNN Purchases Industrial-Sized Washing Machine to Spin News Before Publication”) false rather than satire. Considering how important Facebook traffic is to Internet publications, the threat was no joke.

“We’ve been ‘Snoped’ before a number of times, but this was the first time Facebook used it to threaten us and to redirect readers away from our link and to Snopes’s website,” says Ford. “Over an article about CNN spinning news in a washing machine! It was just insane.” Snopes has fact-checked more than a dozen other Babylon Bee stories in the last two years. Last fall, the Bee even responded to all the unwarranted attention by publishing an article entitled “Snopes Rates Babylon Bee World’s Most Accurate News Source.” After an outcry on social media about the Bee’s mistreatment over the CNN gag, Facebook came to its senses and issued a public statement calling its treatment of the Bee a mistake. For its part, Snopes has continued to classify Bee stories as false, as it occasionally does stories from the Onion and other satirical publications, but has apparently not repeated the mistake of labeling Bee stories as false in Facebook’s fact-checking system.

Read the rest here.

“Passion of the Christ” Sequel to Feature Jesus Helping Founding Fathers Establish America

Passion

The Babylon Bee continues to deliver the satire.  A taste:

HOLLYWOOD, CA—According to industry sources, director Mel Gibson’s highly anticipated sequel to The Passion of the Christ will center around the resurrected Jesus traveling to the Western Hemisphere to help the Founding Fathers establish the United States of America—God’s chosen nation.

Read the rest here.

Jim Bakker Claims That Trump Was Probably Sharing the Gospel with Stormy Daniels

Jim-Bakker--1280x720

After all, he is a “baby Christian.”

This comes from the Christian satire website “The Babylon Bee.”  In other words, IT IS NOT TRUE.  It is satire.

Here ‘s a taste:

BLUE EYE, MO—Squashing accusations that President Trump had a sexual encounter with porn star “Stormy Daniels” while he was married to Melania, televangelist Jim Bakker explained to his audience Friday that he had confirmed that Trump was merely scheduling private time with the woman in a hotel suite in order to share with her the good news of Jesus Christ, as he had become acquainted with her and was very concerned that she was not a Christian.

 

“It is preposterous to assert that a virtuous believer like Mr. Trump would cheat on his beautiful wife so callously, and while their child was only months old,” a solemn Bakker said into the camera as colorful balloons provided a backdrop for some reason. “He was so concerned with the eternal state of Miss Daniels’ soul that he scheduled some alone time with just the two of them, so he could share with her how Jesus Christ had changed his life and how He could also save her from her sins.”

Read the rest here.

Revolutionary-Era Political Satirists Make Saturday Night Live Look Tame

Bute

Over at History New Network, Andrew Wehrman, a historian at Central Michigan University, discusses the role of political satire in the 1760s and 1770s.

Here is a taste:

The cartoon-like representations of Donald Trump and his advisors Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner and perhaps especially Steve Bannon on Saturday Night live point to a crisis of constitutional authority perhaps not seen in American popular culture since America’s first constitutional crisis during the tense decade prior to the American Revolution. Americans have developed a familiarity with the President’s advisors — their characters, agendas, and foibles — similar to the way in which Americans made sense of Great Britain’s policies prior to the Revolution. Saturday Night Live’s depictions of Trump’s narcissistic know-nothingness, Sean Spicer’s weaponized podium, Conway’s “alternative facts,” Ivanka Trump’s complicity, Jared Kushner’s speechless power-grab, and, of course, Steve Bannon’s ominously skeletal grim reaper, harken back to early fears that constitutional checks and balances do not protect a nation from nefarious advisors, ministers, family members, and interlopers.

While the policies, issues, and people differ greatly, these representations echo with the ways in which political satirists in the 1760s and 1770s warned colonial Americans of an impending constitutional crisis. Just as Americans point at Steve Bannon’s influence for the withdrawal from the Paris Climate Agreement or the “Travel Ban,” colonials did not initially rail against King George directly, but rather his ministers, especially the dark, sinister, and now largely forgotten Earl of Bute.

Read the rest here.

 

The Babylon Bee on Pastors “Doing Life Together”

doing-life-696x359Evangelical pastors love to talk about “doing life together.”  This phrase is basically used to describe the practice of spending time with members of their congregations in order to build relationships.  Some pastors like to “do life together” with their pastoral staff by planning elaborate “retreats” in exotic locals under the guise of “team building.”

As some of you may know, The Babylon Bee has become the equivalent of The Onion for the evangelical subculture. Here is the website’s take on pastors “doing life together.”

The article is entitled “Pastor Admits ‘Doing Life Together’ Just an Excuse to do Whatever.

KENOSHA, WI—Pastor Doug Gosport, 53, admitted that his recent forays into “doing life together” with people in his church and community were really just an excuse to do whatever he felt like doing, sources confirmed Monday.

“Frankly, it’s genius,” Gosport reportedly crowed to three of his friends during a weekend golf outing. “Normally, you get all sorts of flak from the family if you want to go grab something to eat and just watch the game, you know? But if I tell my wife I’ve got some guys I need to ‘do life with,’ she instantly approves, no questions asked. That’s actually what I told her I’m doing right now!” he laughed, before stepping up to the tee box and driving the ball.

“So basically, it’s a ticket to do whatever I want,” Gosport continued. “I just call it ‘doing life together,’ and boom—I can do no wrong. The other day, I was supposed to paint the garage, but I put on my concerned face and said I really needed to go ‘do life’ with Jerry. So Jerry and I got to go fishing for five hours instead. Jerry’s a Unitarian. We talked about John Wayne movies the entire time.”

According to sources, Gosport went on to note that the applications of “doing life together” are essentially limitless.

“Basically, whatever you want to do becomes a church-endorsed evangelical activity—write-offs and all—as long as you use those magic words. This month alone, I’ve used it to go to Ed’s Pub three times, a ball game, bowling, and the Boat, Sport, and Travel Show. The elder board even told me the other day that they’re super-impressed at how I’m ‘continually coming alongside’ others.”

The group was reportedly planning to go “do life” at a local Buffalo Wild Wings after the conclusion of their round.